As a therapist, I often get asked about tools for overcoming sexual trauma. It is a subject that is near and dear to my heart.
Some of you may not know this but I actually studied women and gender studies in college. I remember one of my professors asked us to write a paper about a topic we were passionate about (in terms of women studies). I wrote about sexual assault on college campuses.
I was passionate about this topic because I lived it. I have experienced multiple sexual assaults during my time in undergrad. Most of them happened while I was under the influence of drugs and alcohol. I blamed myself for many years until I wrote this paper. I came to terms with these experiences and know it was not my fault. Just because I was under the influence doesn’t mean I was asking to get raped.
This paper was life-changing for me because I sent it to my family, letting them know the traumatic experiences I had throughout my time in college. My sister called me right away crying, she told me she was sorry that happened to me and it was not ok. She helped me move through my shame and showed me that I was worthy of love, no matter what I might think.
Since then, I have made it my mission to take back my power. Those people weren’t deserving of holding on to it anymore.
The first step in taking your power back is feeling your power! I was so disconnected from my feminine energy, I was ashamed of it. I didn’t even know what it felt like to be embodied in this part of me. I had to deep dive into my divine feminine. I shifted my thinking from weak to sacred. Instead of shunning my body, I started honoring her. I talked to my womb and gave her massages. I touched my breast for the first time (like really touched them). I started saving my period blood and holding a ceremony with her, offering her back to the earth. I started dressing in clothes that made me feel sexy and wearing scents that turned me on.
After I was able to tune into my divine energy, I started healing parts of my physical body. I have been fearful of vaginal touch since I was 15 when two men took advantage of me while I was unconscious. The worst part is that everyone at school made fun of me the next day, one guy actually called me a slut. I knew in order to heal I would need to forgive myself and connect back to sensation. My vulva has been terrified for so long, I needed to show her a new way of experiencing love. These are some tangible tools that helped me show my womb that she can trust me again.
The first tool I ever used was a yoni egg. Rose Quartz Yoni Egg. I was surprised when I had almost no sensation of the egg being inside me. I would later learn that numbness is a normal symptom of trauma. I started with kegal exercises playing around with opening and closing my pelvic floor. It was really hard at first, but once I started practicing, I could hold it much longer. I explored doing yoga with my yoni egg in, this was really fun. I even explored taking the yoni egg in and out without the string. The first time I tried this, I couldn’t get it out! I literally had never used those muscles before. I was pushing and pushing with nothing coming out. Once I felt those muscles for the first time I was able to make them stronger. And what is more empowering than pushing something out of your vulva? This connection not only helped me with pain it also was prepping me for childbirth.
The second tool I used was a yoni wand. I would recommend the Amethyst Pleasure Wand. Amethyst is a powerful crystal for the heart and forgiveness. I used this wand to explore sensations not only around my vulva but with my entire body. The weight of this crystal brings just enough pressure to bring that juicy feeling. I like to use my wand when it is cold and explore how this feels especially around my nipples. A lot of emotions and memories came up when I started using the wand around my vagina opening. It is important to take it slow! Use the wand to release these memories before you allow the wand to enter. Entering should be the very last step and only happen if your body is ready.
The last one I started working with was a cervix wand The Cervix Wand™. These can look scary if you aren’t used to them. Essentially, this wand is made to massage the cervix and the g-spot. I always use this wand to do a de-armouring practice. Yoni de-armouring is a process in which you explore points within the vulva. These could be points of pain, numbness, or sensation. The idea with de-armouring is that we surrender and let go. By massing the points, we are releasing memories or experiences that no longer serve. We are showing our womb that it is safe to let go and it is safe to heal. This is the one tool that really helped me move through my numbness and bring pleasure back into my body.
My most recent adventure has been with Rose Quartz Amrita Wand™. If you aren’t familiar with amrita, it is female ejaculation. Considering how much numbness and lack of trust I had in my womb, this was a hard place for me to explore. Amrita organisms really require you to surrender and surrendering has always been hard for me. I found the wand to be very helpful in opening me up. There is a specific curve made especially for the female g-spot. For me, this was an advanced practice that only felt safe to explore once I moved through the other practices first.
The most important thing with these exercises is listening to your intuition and your body. It is essential to take it slow, and only move on if you feel called. Though I only talked about physical tools today, there were so many spiritual pieces I used as well. This is why I created my healing sexual trauma course (not launched yet). This course will take you through not only physical steps to healing but emotional and spiritual. Healing is a multi-dimensional experience. Please reach out if you have any questions and be on the lookout for my course launch!